


Life is a Work in Progress

by THEVOIDSEFFECT



Series: An Inquiry on the Meaning of Life and Relationships [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Study, Depression, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idk where im going with this, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sicheng-centric, but don't take my word for it, hopefully a happy ending, more chapters to be added (hopefully), motivation issues, this deals w some heavy stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/THEVOIDSEFFECT/pseuds/THEVOIDSEFFECT
Summary: Sicheng asks himself,am I really alive?Yes, he’s alive, but surely, there's more to life than locking himself up in his room and sleeping all day.Surely, the way he goes about his day to day life isn’t what most people would call living.





	Life is a Work in Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii~ so this is my first fic! 
> 
> it's very personal to me because this is kind of like what i'm currently experiencing in my own life. as i mentioned in the tags, this fic will deal with some not-so-fun stuff, but i'll try my best to not go into it too heavily.
> 
> i haven't edited this yet, and i know this chapter is short, and the end flows kinda weirdly, so that part will most likely be edited in the future. also, future updates might be kind of slow, but i will try my best to not totally abandon this.
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoy :>

Sicheng wonders why he feels this way. He has no reason to.

His life has been good so far, aside from a few bumps that every normal person experiences. He couldn’t ask for a better family; they’re supportive and loving, and Sicheng is so, _so_ grateful for them. His friends are kind, too, but despite having known them for years, Sicheng feels that their friendship is somewhat superficial.

Yet for some reason, Sicheng just feels numb and distanced from everything going on around him. He questions his existence, why he was given the gift of life. He’s stuck in a mindset where he ponders the meaning and purpose of life and living, but there’s also no reason for him not to live.

He doesn’t know what he wants for his future, even though all his peers have at least an idea of what they want to major in or which college they want to attend. Sicheng knows he should focus on school, get good grades so he can get accepted into a good college and consequently have a better chance of earning a yearly income rather than an hourly wage, but he lacks the motivation to complete the steps necessary to achieve those goals.

So Sicheng isolates himself, doesn’t attend his classes, doesn’t complete his assignments. His grades keep dropping, and the make-up work from all his absences keeps piling on, and instead of facing the problem head on and reducing stress caused by it, he continues to avoid school. Admittedly, the timing of Sicheng’s not-even-midlife crisis is not the best. Junior year is the most critical, the year that colleges and universities put the most weight on, and he’s currently failing all of his classes. Great.

A couple of his friends text him, ask him _where have you_ _been?_ ,or _you weren’t in class today_ , or, jokingly,  _are you even alive???_. To which he replies,  _i’m fine, don’t worry about me_ , or _heck yeah, i'm alive!_. He even adds a smiley face or two. They are satisfied with his replies, take them at face value, and they don’t bother pushing the subject any further.

Sicheng sighs, secretly wishing that they would. Maybe he's to blame for the fact that they’re not very close. Maybe it's his fault that he doesn’t have anyone to call his best friend, someone to spill his deepest fears and most trivial worries to. After all, he’s declined their offers to hang out so many times, saying that he's _too tired to hang out_ , or that he has _a lot of homework to finish tonight_ , or just a simple  _sorry, maybe another time_. It’s gotten to the point where he’s rejected their offers so frequently, that they assume he'll say no yet again and don’t even ask him anymore. Sometimes, he sees them having fun without him on their social media stories and posts and feels a twinge of unjustified jealousy and hurt. He knows it's unfair of him to resent them when the exclusion is often times self-inflicted, but he can't help it.

On the rare occasion that they might text him about their problems, he tries his best to give them advice, but he feels less than helpful. They thank him anyway and tell him that he can talk to them if he needs to. Sicheng tells them that he would.

That’s a lie. He knows that he wouldn’t, couldn’t bring himself to share. Sicheng wants to be closer to them, but how can he do that if he’s too scared of opening up? He remembers learning in his psychology course that relationships aren’t formed through one-sided self-disclosure; all parties need to be active participants and open about bearing their true, vulnerable selves. Is he willing to do that? Not right now, no. Maybe sometime in the future, but by then, it will probably be too late to try and salvage a distant, broken friendship.

Sicheng asks himself, _am I really alive?_

Yes, he’s alive, but surely, there's more to life than locking himself up in his room and sleeping all day.

Surely, the way he goes about his day to day life isn’t what most people would call living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls be kind to me ;u;


End file.
